


A Lesson in Humility

by dragonflyMerri



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Gen, Humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-21
Updated: 2012-10-21
Packaged: 2017-11-16 18:09:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/542336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonflyMerri/pseuds/dragonflyMerri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“The”<i> Arthur Pendragon VIP (Vain Irritating Prat) habitually fired his PA Merlin Emrys. But when Merlin actually leaves, Arthur has to scramble to get the appallingly atrocious assistant back. And who the hell is Gavin and why is Merlin poncing around naked with him? (“I do <i>not<i> ponce! I have never ponced in my life!”)</i></i></i></i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Lesson in Humility

“Merlin, get me the Frobisher files and get Horace Windfield on the phone. Call Lance in Finance and ask him to send me the Windfield numbers asap.”

Arthur Pendragon blew into the outer office, stormed straight through throwing out orders while checking his phone for messages and went straight into his office, slamming the door behind him. Arthur was VP of Mergers and he also considered himself to be a VIP. Those who worked for him also thought he was a VIP – a Vain Irritating Prat.

In his office, Arthur pulled off his suit jacket with one hand while thumbing a reply to one of the 30 odd text messages he had received while in the three hour meeting he’d just returned from. Then he sat at his desk and hit the intercom button.

“Merlin, call Jenny and tell her I have to postpone our date tonight and get me a sandwich, I’m starving.” 

Arthur thumbed off the intercom, not waiting for a reply. He discarded his phone, the rest of the messages would have to wait. He opened one of the files on his desk and began reading. Arthur was halfway through the file when he realized his phone call to Windfield hadn’t come through yet. Frowning in disapproval, Arthur hit the intercom button again. 

“Merlin, where the hell is that phone call to Windfield, and my sandwich?”

There was a light tap on his office door and it opened.

“About time Merlin, I’m – you’re not Merlin!” Arthur frowned in confusion at the dark-haired woman standing apologetically in the doorway.

“No. No, I’m not Merlin. Um – Merlin’s gone.”

“Gone? Where has he gone?”

“Well, you fired him, didn’t you?”

Arthur scoffed. “Miss…..???”

“Thomas. Gwen Thomas.”

“Well, Ms Thomas, I fire Merlin all the time, matter of course actually, he really is the most appalling assistant, but it doesn’t mean he actually goes anywhere. Now, where the hell is he?”

“You fired him.”

“Which I do quite regularly – what of it?”

“Well, he’s gone.”

“But _where _has he gone?” Arthur was getting quite irritated.__

“You _fired _him!__

“I know I bloody well fired him! I bloody well fire him at least once a week!”

“Well this time, he’s taken you up on your offer!” Gwen glared back at him like she was talking to an idiot.

“What the hell do you mean he’s taken me up on my offer? What offer? I didn’t offer him anything!”

“You offered him his freedom by firing him – _again _.”__

Arthur stared at her. “And he’s gone? He left? Just like that?”

“Just like that?? _You FIRED him! _” Gwen put her hands on her hips in the age-old posture of an angry woman. “Merlin worked his tail off for you and you never once thanked him for his efforts – just kept firing him whenever you got upset. I have no idea how he put up with you all these years and quite frankly, he should have walked out on you the first time you fired him! Sir!”__

Arthur glared back at her incredulous. “Who exactly _are _you?”__

“I’m Gwen Thomas. HR sent me up as your replacement Personal Assistant.”

“I don’t need a bloody replacement, I need Merlin!” Arthur bellowed.

“Well you shouldn’t have fired him then, should you??” Gwen bellowed back.

Arthur stared at her for a moment before dropping back into his chair. “Why the hell would he leave this time? He’s never left before.”

“Well, maybe he finally reached his limit. You can be quite obnoxious you know. Sir.” Gwen advanced into the room and, uninvited, took a seat on the other side of Arthur’s desk. “He left you a note.”

“A note?”

Gwen held up a piece of paper.

“What’s it say?"

Gwen unfolded the paper, cleared her throat and read the note aloud.

“Dear Arthur, you can’t fire me, I quit. Merlin.”

“He can’t quit! What the hell am I supposed to do without him?”

“Well you should have thought of that before you kept firing him.”

Arthur narrowed his eyes at Gwen. “No one likes a smart arse, Ms Thomas.” Arthur stood up and began to pace. “If you’re going to be my PA, then your first duty is to find Merlin and get him the hell back. Then you’re fired.”

“No.” Gwen sat back in the chair and folded her arms, looking up at Arthur calmly.

“What do you mean ‘no’? You’re my PA, I’ve given you a task, now get to it.”

“No.”

Arthur turned and glared at her.

“No use glaring at me. I am not going to drag poor Merlin back into the black hole of Calcutta that is his job. The poor man is exhausted and on his last nerve. It was either leave your employment or bludgeon you over the head while you weren’t looking. He’s got a baseball bat – I’ve seen it. Merlin quitting was by far the wisest choice.”

Arthur stared at her as if she’d lost her mind. Gwen stood up and checked her watch.

“If you’ll excuse me, it’s my lunch hour. Perhaps you can get your own sandwich for once. Oh, and by the way – you owe Merlin about a hundred and thirty five pounds in lunch money for all the sandwiches he’s bought you that you conveniently forget to pay him back for. Which is why I am not about to start getting your lunch. Good day, sir.”

Gwen walked out and closed the door on an astonished Arthur.

Scowling, Arthur pulled out his cell phone and hit Merlin’s number.

“The number you have reached has been disconnected. Please check…”

Arthur hung up, staring at his phone in disbelief. Merlin always answered his phone, no matter what time of day or night Arthur called him. Disbelief turning to annoyance, Arthur flung the phone on his desk. The next time he saw Merlin he would give him a jolly good bollocking and then fire him – that would serve him right. Arthur pulled up short. Wait, he couldn’t fire Merlin. Merlin had left him. What the hell was he supposed to do now?

****

Three days later, Merlin answered his door and it was a toss up as to which one was more astonished to see the other.

“Arthur?” Merlin stared in shock at seeing his former boss on his doorstep.

“Mer –“ Arthur’s mouth dropped open. Merlin, who was always professionally dressed, was now standing in front of him wearing nothing but a pair of pajama bottoms slung low on his hips. Arthur’s eyes travelled down over surprisingly impressive broad shoulders, a well-defined chest narrowing down to a flat stomach and narrow hips. There was a covering of dark chest hair and a line of dark hair leading from Merlin’s bellybutton and disappearing into the tops of his – 

Arthur cleared his throat and raised his eyes back up to Merlin’s face. He had only ever seen Merlin clean-shaven. Now he had dark stubble that somehow made him look rather sexy. Arthur cleared his throat again.

“You should put a shirt on – or something.”

Merlin’s eyebrows raised in disbelief. “You came here to give me fashion advice?”

“What? No, no of course not. But you’re, um, you’re not wearing anything - on top I mean.”

Merlin shrugged, folded his arms and leaned casually against the doorframe. “I’m in my own home. I can wear what I want – or not wear what I want. I could go around completely naked if I want.”

“Naked? You walk around naked?”

“If I want. Is that why you’re here? To find out if I walk around naked?”

“What?? Of course not!” Arthur reached up and scrubbed a hand through his hair, messing up his well-groomed salon styled blonde locks. “Look, this is not going right. Can I come in and talk to you?”

“No.”

Arthur was completely nonplussed. “What do you mean ‘no’?”

“No. This is my home. I don’t work for you any longer. I am under no obligation to let you into my home. I don’t know how you found out where I live, actually.”

“I had HR look it up.”

Merlin shook his head in doubt. “No. No they wouldn’t do that. They know all about you and there is no way in hell they would have told you where I live.”

“Alright, I had to dig it out myself. And it wasn’t easy, let me tell you. Your address is one of the better protected secrets in that whole damn company!”

“And yet you still found out where I live.”

Arthur had the grace to look embarrassed. “Um, I might have actually bribed someone to get me your address.”

Merlin narrowed his eyes, looking totally affronted. “Who would betray me like that?”

Arthur looked even more embarrassed. “It might have been the new girl they hired to replace Gwen.”

Merlin snorted in disgust. “Oh very nice, Arthur – bully the new girl into giving you confidential information. You realize that once the rest of HR find out, that poor girl’s life is going to be a total misery.”

“Well if you didn’t make your information such a damn state secret, I wouldn’t have to resort to such tactics!”

“Oh, so now you’re making this _my _fault? Did it ever occur to you that I might not want you to know where I live?”__

It was Arthur’s turn to look affronted. “What? Why the hell not?”

“Why?” Merlin threw his arms up in the air. “For the past three years, you have made my life a complete and utter shit! You have no concept of personal boundaries! I have been your virtual slave – day and night! Do this Merlin, do that Merlin, do you have any idea how many times I’ve run personal chores for you – not in my job description! And don’t even get me started on all the evening and nighttime calls you give me expecting me to drop everything and run and do your bidding! Half the time I don’t know if I’m coming or going. All I do know is that I am heartily sick and tired of being your dogsbody, so goodbye Arthur – I quit!”

Merlin slammed the door shut.

A few seconds later the door swung open again.

“And another thing! You owe me one hundred and thirty six pounds for coffee and lunches I’ve bought you and eighty-two pound forty for dry cleaning I’ve collected for you. I’ve submitted an expense account to HR so you better damn well approved it!”

Merlin stepped back and slammed the door shut again.

Arthur stood staring at the door, gobsmacked. Then he began pounding on the door.

“Merlin! Merlin! Open this door immediately! What the hell do you think you’re playing at?”

The door stayed resolutely closed.

Arthur continued pounding on the door.

“Dammit, Merlin – I know you’re in there! Open this door immediately!”

“Go away, Arthur!” Merlin’s muffled voice came from behind the firmly shut door.

“I will not go away – you open this door right now!”

“Or what? You’ll fire me again?” asked the voice behind the door.

“Dammit Merlin, I am not going to have this conversation yelling through a door!”

Two doors down, a door opened and an older lady poked her head out, staring suspiciously at Arthur.

“What are you looking at?” Arthur glared at her. “This is private, do you mind?”

Merlin’s door opened and Merlin glowered at Arthur then followed his gaze.

“Hello Mrs Darrell.”

“Hello Merlin dear. Is everything alright? Do you need me to call the police?”

“Police??” Arthur sputtered in indignation.

“No thank you, Mrs Darrell. This is Arthur. You know – _Arthur _.”__

“Oh – _Arthur! _”__

“What the hell does that mean – _Arthur! _” Arthur demanded.__

“I see what you mean, Merlin – about _him _. Are you sure you’ll be alright, dear?”__

“I’ll be fine, thank you, Mrs Darrell. I’ve handled him for three years now.”

“Well, if you do need help, just yell, dear.” The old lady shook her portable phone at Arthur. “I have the police on speed-dial, you know. I just have to push one button and the police will be here like _that! _” The lady snapped her fingers at Arthur then closed her door.__

“Lovely neighbours you’ve got, Merlin,” said Arthur, folding his arms defensively, highly insulted.

“Don’t you dare start in on Mrs Darrell or I will yell and have her call the police!” Merlin glared.

“For Christ sake, Merlin. This is ridiculous. Just let me in so we can talk about you walking out on me.”

“I did not walk out on you, I quit. And there is no way in hell that you are setting foot inside my home. This – “ Merlin swept his arm behind him, “This is my home and it is sacrosanct! This is the only space that is not infected with your annoying, irritating, obnoxious presence. You are not coming into my home!”

“Well we can’t have this conversation in the hallway!”

“We have nothing to talk about – what don’t you understand about ‘nothing to talk about?”

The two men glared at each other, both refusing to back down. Finally Arthur sighed and stepped back.

“Fine. We don’t have to talk here. Put some clothes on and we’ll go to that coffee shop down the street. We can talk there.”

Merlin crossed his arms. “No. You don’t get to tell me what to do any more. I don’t work for you any more.”

“Merlin, dammit. We have to talk.”

“Well, how about if you ask nicely instead of ordering me. Manners, Arthur – you should try it sometime.”

“Fine! Merlin, get dressed and join me in the coffee shop so we can talk, _please.” ___

“No.”

“I asked politely!”

“You’re still ordering me. Tacking a please on the end doesn’t cut it.”

“Well what the hell do you want?”

“I want you to say, ‘Merlin, I would like to talk to you. When would be a convenient time to meet?’ Come on, Arthur. You’re a business man, you set up meetings all the time.”

“Fine! Merlin, I would like to talk to you. When would be a convenient time to meet?” Arthur asked in exasperation.

“Glad you asked. I’ll have to check my social calendar, but I can tell you that it’s not now. I’ll get back to you if and when it’s convenient.”

“Well when the hell will that be?”

“I don’t know, Arthur – I told you, I have to check my calendar.”

“What the hell am I supposed to do in the meantime?”

“Don’t know, don’t care – I don’t work for you any more, remember?”

“Hey Merlin, I’m going to put the kettle on, you want a cup of tea?” A male voice asked from somewhere in Merlin’s flat.

“Yeah, please.” Merlin called back over his shoulder

“You have company.” Arthur stated the obvious.

“Yes, I do. I do have a life, you know. Oh wait – you don’t know because you don’t care. You’ve never asked and you’ve never considered it.”

“Hey Merlin, where’s the – well, _hello there.”_

An absolutely stunning man walked up behind Merlin – an absolutely stunning man who was also wearing nothing but pajama bottoms. The man spotted Arthur and pushed his way beside Merlin, leaning against the other side of the doorframe as he gave Arthur the once over.

Arthur’s eyes just about fell out of his head as he took in the state of undress of both men together.

“Really, Gavin?” Merlin asked the other man sarcastically. “You don’t even know who he is!”

“He’s gorgeous, whoever he is.” Gavin’s eyes travelled all over Arthur’s body making Arthur feel remarkable similar to a piece of prime beef. Then he smiled at Arthur and licked his lips.

Arthur took a step backwards.

“This is Arthur – _the Arthur!”_

“Well hello, _the Arthur _, and what brings – wait – _the Arthur? _Your Arthur?” Gavin cut off his attempted seduction and turned to Merlin in dismay. “The Arthur – the one you told me about?”____

“Yes, that one – this is him. Arthur.”

“Um – I’m standing right here,” Arthur scowled, not at all fine with being called _the Arthur _– whatever the hell that meant.__

Gavin turned back to Arthur and all attempts at seduction were gone. In their place, Gavin was glaring at Arthur. “What the hell do you want here?”

“I’ve come to talk to Merlin. Not that it’s any of your business.”

Gavin slung an arm around Merlin’s naked shoulder and pulled him into a hug. “Merlin is my business.”

Arthur’s eyes just about popped out of their sockets for a second time.

Merlin pushed out of Gavin’s embrace. “Go make the tea, Gavin. I’m fine. Let me finish talking to Arthur.”

Gavin narrowed his eyes at Arthur and held up two fingers – pointing them at his eyes then at Arthur in the well know sign of ‘I’m watching you.’ Then he retreated back into the flat.

“As I was saying. I’m busy right now. I’ll check my calendar and I’ll call and let you know when I’m free for a chat.” Merlin resumed his stance of arms crossed and feet planted.

Arthur shook his head to regain his equilibrium. “What am I supposed to do in the meantime? You’re my Personal Assistant. There are things that only you can do.”

“That’s ridiculous. Gwen is perfectly capable of handling the job. Only she won’t be as much of a push-over as I was, so don’t expect her to run your personal chores or buy your lunch or work ridiculous hours….or wait. Is that why you’re here? Because Gwen won’t do any of that for you?”

“No, that’s not why I’m here – and how did you know she’s not doing any of that?”

“Gwen’s a friend of mine. We talk.”

“Did you tell her not to do any of that?”

“I didn’t have to, because, if you read her employment contract, _she doesn’t have to do any of that! _Just like I didn’t have to do any of that – none of that was in my job description!”__

“Then why did you do it all these years?”

“Because I am apparently a feeble and weak-willed man. But despite doing everything for you, you still kept firing me at least once a week.” Merlin reached up and scrubbed his face. “Look Arthur. I am not getting into this here and now. Go away. I’ll call you once I’ve calmed down and we’ll set a time to meet. But right now you need to go.

“But Merlin –“

“Will you just go! Go away Arthur – leave me alone. Don’t come back here. Lose this address. I will call you when I’m ready.”

“But you’ve disconnected your phone number.”

“Just the one you know, Arthur. I still have a phone – and before you ask, no you cannot have the number and yes, it is unlisted. Now leave me alone.”

Merlin retreated into the flat and closed the door.

Arthur stared at the door feeling a little lost. Now what was he supposed to do?

****

Arthur sat at his desk completely ignoring the open file in front of him. He tapped his teeth with his pen, lost in thought. Gwen entered carrying some documents to be signed.

“Is everything alright, Arthur?” she asked tentatively.

“Um? What? Did you say something?”

“I asked if everything is alright. You seemed miles away.”

“Oh that. I was just thinking about Merlin.”

“What about him?”

“I went to see him yesterday, after work.”

Gwen looked highly alarmed. “Where did you see him?”

“At his home.”

Gwen squeaked “His home? How did you find out where he lived?”

Arthur waved a hand. “That’s not important. The thing is, I went to see him to ask him to return to his job. And he said no.”

“What did he say when you showed up on his doorstep?”

“He was surprised. But he still refused to come back to work.”

“Didn’t he ask how you knew where he lived?”

“Of course he did and I told him. I tried to talk him into returning, but he was being quite stubborn.”

“How did you find out where he lived?”

“I – never mind. But it wasn’t easy. Why are you so damn interested in how I found out where he lives, and why the hell is his information such a state secret anyway?”

“To keep it away from you.”

“That’s what he said. Although I have no idea why that was necessary.”

“Perhaps so you wouldn’t show up on his doorstep. Did he actually let you in?

“No. No, he wouldn’t let me in. We had to talk in the hallway. Damn nuisance it was. His prying neighbour even stuck her nose out, threatened to call the police."

“The police? What were you doing that she threatened to call the police?”

“I wasn’t doing anything. Merlin told her who I was and she threatened to call the police.”

Gwen snorted a laugh, quickly covering her mouth and turning the laugh into a cough

“Then some half-naked man walked out of his flat and threatened me.”

Gwen’s eyes grew enormous. “You met Gavin?”

“Yeah, that was his name. Tried to put the moves on me until he found out who I was. Then he got all handsy with Merlin and basically threatened me. Do you know who he is?”

“Um, yeah. He’s Merlin’s flatmate.”

“Oh, is that what they’re calling it these days?”

“Excuse me?

“Well, it was the middle of the day and he and Merlin were poncing around wearing nothing but pajama bottoms. Disgraceful, really. Man couldn’t keep his hands to himself. And really, who flirts with someone else when your partner is standing right there?”

“Partner? But Gavin – “

“Merlin really should have higher standards then that man, regardless of how ridiculously good looking he is.”

“But Merlin – “

“Oh Merlin shooed him away so I tried to convince him again.”

“And he said no to your offer to come back?”

“He said no. But he did agree to meet with me to discuss it.”

“When are you meeting?”

“I don’t know. He said he’d have to check his calendar and he’ll phone. When he phones, put the call though to me right away, even if I’m in a meeting.”

Gwen smiled sympathetically. ”You really want him back that badly?” 

Arthur looked at the pile of files on his desk and sighed. “Yes, I want him back that badly. More importantly, I need him back that badly.”

****

It was just over a week later when Merlin finally called.

“I have no idea why I am giving you the time of day, but I’ll be in town on Thursday. You can have half an hour maximum to talk to me. 1:30 at Camelot Coffee down the block from the office.”

Arthur flipped pages in his daytimer to write down the meeting time and date. “I have another meeting then, could you –“

“1:30 Thursday, Arthur. Take it or leave it.”

“Alright, I’ll take it. I’ll reschedule my other meeting.”

“Fine – and bring my expense check with you.” Merlin hung up before Arthur could respond.

Arthur hit the intercom button. “Gwen, call HR and find out if Merlin’s expense check will be ready for Thursday.”

There was a tap on the door a few minutes later and Gwen poked her head in. 

“I talked to HR. They said they’re not going to pay Merlin’s claim because it’s all personal expenses for you. They said you have to reimburse him yourself. And they also had a few choice words for you about making Merlin spend his own money for your lunch and laundry. They’re going to send you an email about it.”

“Wonderful. How the hell am I supposed to know how much I owe him?”

“Two hundred and twenty pounds sixty. HR is sending back his expense claim.”

“Fine. I’ll pay it myself. While you’re here, reschedule my Thursday meeting with Barnsley and Worth, I’m meeting with Merlin at 1:30 instead.”

“He’s agreed to see you?”

“Finally, yes. He asked me to bring him his expense money.”

“What are you going to tell him?”

“What I want to tell him is to get his arse back to work. But I suppose I’ll have to coach it in politer terms.”

“He won’t accept.”

“How do you know?”

“He’s got three other job offers.”

“What? From whom?”

Gwen shrugged. “I’m not at liberty to say. Just that when people found out Merlin had finally walked out on you, they were ever so eager to offer him a new position. And not just as a PA. He’s being offered some executive positions – with a lot more money.”

“He’s not qualified for executive positions!"

“Arthur, he’s worked for you for over three years. He’s got contacts, knows all about contract negotiations and documentation and he did the legwork on most of your clients. You many not think so, but you wouldn’t be near as successful if you hadn’t had Merlin doing all the work behind the scenes.”

Arthur frowned as he realized Gwen spoke the truth. Which is why he needed Merlin back. Gwen was competent, but she didn’t have Merlin’s instinct and business acumen. He and Merlin had spent many an hour hashing out the fine print on business contracts or the tactics of a negotiation. Merlin was his sounding board and Arthur was feeling quite lost without him.

Sighing, Arthur leaned back in his chair. “How the hell do I get him back?”

“As your PA? You won’t get him back. Merlin is much more than a PA Arthur and I think you know that. If you want him back, you’ll have to go head-to-head with the other three offers he has. Hopefully, he’ll wait to talk to you before making a decision.”

“Gwen, I can’t just give Merlin an executive position job.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t create job positions.”

“You don’t have to. This department has an unfilled position of deputy VP of Mergers. It always has. There was never a need to fill it because you and Merlin worked so well together that you took care of all the clients. If you want Merlin back, you need to offer him that position. And a raise – big raise.”

Arthur frowned at Gwen. “How do you know this?”

“I worked in HR, remember?”

“Still, that position has to be approved by the President of the company.”

“Yes, but if Merlin comes with your strong recommendation, and given your past experience working together, I’m sure Mr. Gaius will approve him.”

“That still doesn’t solve my problem of not having Merlin back doing his job.”

“Of course it does. Three quarters of what Merlin was doing for you had nothing to do with being your PA – he was essentially doing the deputy VP job – but without the title or the pay. All the other stuff, I can easily manage. With the exception of running your personal chores and buying your lunches.”

Arthur considered everything Gwen said. “If I do offer him the deputy job, do you think he’ll take it and come back?”

“If you make it worth his while. The pay has to be on par with what the other companies are offering him – I can check that out for you, and I’m sure he’ll have some conditions of employment if he returns – like normal working hours and not being at your beck and call. And of course, considering he’s been working so long at the job anyway, without compensation, I’m sure a signing bonus would go a long way to helping him chose to come back.”

Arthur narrowed his eyes at Gwen. “You seem to have thought this all out already.”

“Well, Merlin’s my friend. I’d love to have him back at the company, especially as I’ll stay your PA. That means we’ll work together. Which would be lovely. Working with Merlin, I mean – not working with you. Not that working for you isn’t lovely….well, actually, it’s not really lovely, but working with Merlin will be lovely and –“

“Enough! Fine. Draw up the papers offering Merlin the job of deputy VP, but I want to see the numbers before you finalize them.”

Gwen beamed at Arthur, the first real smile she’d given him in the two weeks she’d worked for him.

When Gwen set the offer before Arthur later that day, he read it over, adjusting the salary a bit higher. When he read the signing bonus number his eyebrows skyrocketed and he looked up at Gwen about to protest.

“Not negotiable, Arthur. He’s worked without compensation for three years in that position. That’s the least you can offer him without insulting him.”

“Gwen, there’s no way HR will approve this.”

“They already have. And they said to tell you ‘get him back’. They’re going to send you an email about that.”

“Of course they are. Fine. Make the adjustment on the salary and type up the offer. I’ll present it to him on Thursday.”

**** 

Arthur arrived at the coffee shop early, Merlin’s job offer tucked in his briefcase. He bought a coffee and considered buying Merlin one, until he realized he didn’t know how Merlin took his coffee. He felt a twinge of guilt over that, after three years working together, he should at least know the other man’s coffee order.

Arthur took a seat by the window and watched for Merlin. He saw him about 10 minutes later across the street, walking with another man. They stopped at the corner, shook hands and spoke for a few minutes, with Merlin smiling and nodding. Merlin was wearing a business suit and Arthur frowned when he realized this might be the end of a meeting with one of the companies offering Merlin a job.

Arthur mentally reviewed the job offer he had for Merlin, and in his head, jacked up the salary by another ten thousand. He watched Merlin walk across the street and enter the coffee shop. 

As soon as Merlin entered, the staff all greeted him like a long lost friend. The barista began working on his drink without Merlin even ordering and the cashier pulled a lemon slice out of the showcase and passed it to Merlin. His coffee order was placed in front of him and the staff refused to accept payment for the food and drink. Merlin thanked them with a smile, then turned and scanned the room for Arthur. When he spotted him, he walked over to join him.

“Afternoon, Arthur,” Merlin said as he sat down.

“Afternoon, Merlin. You seen to be quite popular here.”

“Um, well, it’s where I always used to buy your coffee. Speaking of which, do you have my expense check?”

“Oh yes, of course.” Arthur dug in his pocket and produced a wad of notes. He counted out two hundred and twenty one pounds.

Merlin looked surprised. “They gave you cash?”

A faint blush brushed Arthur’s cheeks. “Actually they refused to pay. Said it was my personal expenses and I should pay you back myself.”

Merlin scooped up the bills then fished some change out of his pocket, placing forty pence in front of Arthur. “Your change.”

Arthur was about to protest, but the look on Merlin’s face made him pocket the coins.

Merlin looked at his watch. “Okay, you have thirty minutes. Go.”

“Seriously? You mean to hold me to thirty minutes?”

“Time is money, Arthur. Say what you have to say. Twenty nine minutes.”

“Fine. I want you to come back.”

“No.”

“You haven’t even heard what I’m offering.”

“Whatever it is, I’m not interested. I have other offers.”

“Have you accepted any of them yet?”

“Not yet, but close to it.”

Arthur dug in his briefcase and pulled out the job offer, pushing it over to Merlin. 

“I’m offering you the job of deputy VP of Mergers, with a signing bonus.”

To his credit, Merlin didn’t react. He just picked up the offer and began to read it. While he read, he ate his lemon slice. When he was finished, he put it down and looked at Arthur.

“Well?” asked Arthur.

“The salary level…”

“I can raise it another ten thousand. And there will be yearly salary reviews and raises.”

“What about office space?”

“The office we’re using as a war room, we’ll convert it to your office. Gwen said she’ll stay on as my PA – well, she’d be our PA, we’ll share her.”

“Working hours?”

“Normal working hours. I promised Gwen.”

“The signing bonus?”

“Gwen’s idea actually. Once she pointed out that you’d actually been working the position without compensation, I realized that a signing bonus was in order. Should have thought of it myself.”

Merlin raised his eyebrows at that admission.

“Look Merlin. I realize that working for me has not been the easiest thing….” Merlin snorted in agreement. “But, now that you’re gone, I realize everything that you do – or did, rather. You were more than a PA, you were my right-hand man and quite frankly, I couldn’t have done it without you. So now I’m offering you the position officially.”

“Merlin, my friend. Where have you been?” The general manager of the coffee shop walked up to the table and gave Merlin a hearty slap on the back. “Have you been on holiday? We haven’t seen you in so long.”

“Hi Giovanni. I’ve been on a break, and I’ve missed your coffee!”

The man looked at Arthur. “And you, my friend, the coffee is to your liking?”

“Yes thank you. Great coffee. Always is.”

“Giovanni, this is Arthur. _The Arthur.” ___

The manager looked at Arthur with wide eyes. _“The Arthur?” _He then proceeded to babble in Italian – a whole string of what, to Arthur’s ears, sounded like Italian swear words.__

Arthur looked at Merlin incredulously. “Really, Merlin? Even here?”

Merlin shrugged. “What can I say, your fame precedes you.”

“Merlin, you bring this man into my shop? This man? After everything he has done to you?” Giovanni turned to Arthur and shook a finger alarmingly close to Arthur’s nose. “You are a very bad man – very bad. You take advantage of Merlin and treat him like shit. You do not deserve my coffee!” Giovanni grabbed Arthur’s cup and swept it away from him.

“Hey, I paid for that!”

“No coffee for you!”

“What the – Merlin, for Christ sake, do something!”

“Giovanni, please. It’s okay. Arthur is offering me a promotion. A new job.”

“A new job? More pay?”

“More pay.”

“What about the money he owes you?”

“You told him about the money I owe you?” Arthur gaped.

Merlin shrugged. “Sometimes I was short, Giovanni always let me put your coffee on credit until I could pay for it. It came up in conversation.”

“You owe Merlin money!” Giovanni scolded Arthur.

“I paid him!”

“He paid me, Giovanni, see?” Merlin pulled out the wad of cash Arthur had given him.

Giovanni considered the money then put Arthur’s coffee back in front of him. “You still not good man. Merlin, you should find new job. Money is not everything. You need to find new boss who’s not shit.”

Arthur’s mouth dropped open in outrage while Merlin hastily covered a snort of laughter.

“Thanks for the advice, Giovanni. I’ll take it into consideration.” Merlin grinned at him.

Giovanni turned to Arthur. “This Merlin, he’s worth ten of you, shit Arthur. If Merlin stay working with you, you treat him good – or I spit in your coffee.”

Giovanni turned and stomped away while Arthur pulled his cup closer to examine it suspiciously.

Merlin checked his watch. “You’ve got two minutes left for your final pitch."

“Wait – I shouldn’t be penalized for Giovanni’s interruption.”

“I told you thirty minutes, Arthur. I’ve got another meeting to attend.”

Arthur reared back. “Another employer?”

“None of your business.” Merlin smiled. He gathered up the job offer and tucked it into the satchel he was carrying. “Thank you for the offer, Arthur. I’ll be in touch once I’ve considered all the details and, um, other considerations.”

Merlin stood and held out a hand to shake Arthurs. Arthur stood but didn’t take Merlin’s hand.

“Merlin, please. I realize how wrong I’ve been, how – self-serving and inconsiderate. I really do miss you and would like you to come back.”

Merlin smiled again. “Like I said, I’ll be in touch. Goodbye Arthur.”

Merlin turned and walked out. Arthur watched him, until he felt someone staring at him. He turned back to the counter and saw all the staff and Giovanni lined up and giving him the stink-eye. Arthur hastily left the coffee shop.

****

Arthur stormed out of his office and slapped a document on Gwen’s desk. “Make the corrections then send this to legal.” He turned sharply and stormed back to his office.

Gwen calmly picked up the document and began scanning it. “Good morning Arthur,” she muttered to herself. “Oh I’m fine this morning, thank you for asking. Why yes, I did have a good weekend. Make the corrections? No problem, I’d be happy to do that for you.”

“I can hear you, you know” Arthur called out and his voice somehow conveyed the scowl that was permanently etching his brow these days.

Gwen grinned to herself and began to type in the corrections. Arthur really was in a beast of a mood – had been ever since his meeting with Merlin almost 2 weeks ago. The fact that Merlin hadn’t responded to Arthur’s offer was aggravating Arthur to the point where he was now officially branded the office mascot – a cross between a giant ass, a bear with a sore head and a wallowing water buffalo. Andrew in Marketing had even drawn up a hilarious caricature of said cross-breed animal, with a swath of suspiciously familiar designer-styled blond hair. By now just about every employee had the cartoon on their computer.

Finishing up the document changes and sending them to legal, Gwen picked up her mobile and sent a text.

_Merlin, U need to put him out of his misery_

_Correction – MY misery_

A few minutes later her phone beeped and she checked the message.

_That bad is it? ___

Gwen typed in response 

_Check ur email – sent u the latest drawing from Andrew ___

A few minutes later her phone beeped again.

_LOL! Tell Andrew he’s got the hair down pat! ___

Gwen responded

_Seriously though, the man is suffering. When r u coming back? ___

It was five minutes before Merlin’s response.

_Block out some time on his schedule tomorrow. But don’t tell him I’m coming. ___

Gwen let out a smothered squeal of happiness.

“What are you doing?” Arthur loomed over her desk

Gwen’s squeal turned into a startled shriek. The phone flipped out of her hands and she did a juggling act trying to catch it before it hit the desk.

“Oh my God, Arthur! Do not sneak up on a person like that! You just about gave me a heart attack”

Arthur glowered at her, standing with arms crossed. “Perhaps if you weren’t so engrossed with texting and were actually doing your job, my presence wouldn’t come as a complete surprise. You are aware of the company policy on wasting time with personal business, I assume?”

Gwen glared up at him in turn. “I was not wasting time on personal business. This was….um….that is to say…..oh never mind. The Anderson contract has been sent to legal, what do you want?”

“What do I…? You do understand Gwenivere, that I am your boss, not the other way around?”

Gwen sighed. “Yes Arthur, I know you’re the boss. Now what do you want?”

“A modicum of respect would be nice. Bad enough I had to put up with Merlin’s attitude all these years, now you’re starting too. If it’s not too much bother, can you find me the McLauchlan files and get Gwaine in Accounting to bring up the new financials for it.”

Arthur strode back into his office. Gwen watched his retreating back then leaned over her desk to address it.

“You might want to consider that the only thing Merlin’s attitude and mine have in common is you!” she called after him. “Big giant prat!” she muttered as an afterthought.

“I heard that!” Arthur’s voice barked back.

******

At ten minutes to three the next afternoon, Arthur buzzed through to the intercom on Gwen’s desk. 

“Who the hell is Mr Abernathy Van Snott?”

“He’s your 3 o’clock,” Gwen answered with a grin.

“I can see that, thank you Genevieve. Who is he? What company?” Arthur's voice sounded tinny through the intercom.

“Oh, um… he’s with Van Snott, Toejam and Beoder.” Gwen slapped a hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter.

There was an extended silence.

“You cannot be serious.” Disbelief was clear in Arthur’s voice.

“I know,” Gwen’s voice was full of empathy. “It’s horrendous what people name their companies these days, isn’t it? I blame it on rap musicians.”

“Excuse me?”

“Rap musicians, with their idiotic names. Music does influence society, Arthur, I think that’s why you get such ridiculous names even in business.”

There was another extended silence.

“What the hell are you talking about, Genevieve?”

“Well, I suppose on the other hand you can’t really help what your name is, can you? I mean, it’s really your parent’s fault. Although why three individuals named Van Snott, Toejam and Beoder would want to form a company without due consideration to their names is…”

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU BABBLING ABOUT??”

Gwen slapped both hands over her mouth, tears rolling down her face as she fought desperately to contain her laughter. On the other side of the office, on the couch, Merlin was bent over double, his face smothered in a cushion, his shoulders shaking with laughter.

The door to Arthur’s office flew open and Arthur barreled out and over to Gwen’s desk. He stopped short at the sight of her, a look of horror crossing his face.

“Are you crying? Oh God, Gwen, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

Gwen peered up at Arthur through brimming eyes and let out an undignified snort. This seemed to get Arthur more concerned.

“No, no, don’t cry Gwen, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Arthur grabbed a handful of tissues from the box on Gwen’s desk and thrust them at her. “Idiotic men, idiotic name, you’re not to blame. Here, wipe your eyes. Can’t have our clients thinking I’m abusing the staff.”

Gwen took the tissue and waved Arthur off, struggling to get her breath. “He’s here.” She managed to gasp out.

“Who’s here?”

Gwen pointed to the couch and Arthur turned around.

Merlin was standing by the couch, tears running down his face as he bit his lip to stop from laughing. Unfortunately it made him look like he too was holding back sobs.

“Merlin?” Arthur stared at him in confusion. “Why are you crying too?”

Gwen and Merlin broke at the same time. Gwen dropped her head down onto her desk and Merlin collapsed back onto the couch, their laughter ringing through the office.

Arthur scowled from one to the other. “What the hell is going on here? Merlin, as much as I want to see you, you should have phoned for an appointment. I can’t meet with you now, I’m expecting a client…”

Merlin nodded and pointed to himself. “Yeah, me,” he gasped. “I’m Abernathy Van Snott.”

“Your…? But….” Arthur whirled and glared at Gwen. “Oh very funny, Ms Thomas. I suppose this is your idea of a joke?”

“Hey, hey, don’t yell at Gwen. Abernathy Van Snott was the name I gave her,” Merlin was quick to Gwen’s defense.

“Although I made up all the rest of it,” Gwen supplied helpfully, carefully wiping her eyes so as not to further smudge her make-up. “I thought it was quite ingenious.”

“Oh it was, Gwen, couldn’t have done better myself,” Merlin agreed with her and won a beaming smile from Gwen.

“If you two are quite finished with trying to make a fool of me..” Arthur now looked supremely pissed.

“Right.” Merlin grabbed his satchel off the couch. “Let’s meet, shall we, Arthur?” And he walked into Arthur’s office.

Arthur scowled at Gwen as he headed back into his office. “Hold my calls.”

“Not to worry, Arthur, I’m sure the world can continue to turn without your omnipresent guidance.”

“Oooh, good one, Gwen,” Merlin called out from Arthur’s office.

“Shut up, Merlin,” Arthur growled before slamming his door shut.

****

Gwen was dying to know what was going on in Arthur’s office. He and Merlin had been in there for 45 minutes now, and except for one occurrence where voices had been raised – although not loudly enough for words to be distinct, all had been quite. 

Gwen was just contemplating getting a refill of her coffee, when Arthur’s door opened and Merlin strolled out followed by Arthur. Gwen looked up eagerly and tried to gauge the results of the meeting from the two men’s faces.

“Gwen, can you please call facilities and have them clear out the war room. It’s going to be Merlin’s new office.”

Gwen let out a cheer and rushed around the desk to envelope Merlin in a huge hug. Merlin laughed and hugged her back.

“When do you start, Merlin?”

“Merlin, will be starting on Monday.” Arthur interjected before Merlin could speak. “And you’ll need to get Merlin some new business cards with his new title. Can you contact HR to get his employee contract drawn up…”

“Oh no need,” Gwen went to her desk and opened the middle draw, pulling out a stack of papers. “I have his contract right here, already filled out.”

At Arthur’s raised eyebrows, Gwen shrugged. “I knew he would come back. You just needed a bit of time to truly appreciate him.”

Arthur looked from Gwen to Merlin, but both looked suspiciously innocent. Grabbing the contract from Gwen, Arthur flipped the pages to the page listing salary. He crossed out the number and wrote in a new number, initializing the correction and handing the pen to Merlin to initial. Merlin did, then flipped to the last page of the contract and signed in the appropriate spots.

Gwen took the papers back. “Right. I’ll get these copied and sent to HR. Your copy will be waiting on your desk on Monday, Merlin.” She gave Merlin a huge smile and a wink. She had seen the new, higher number that Arthur had written in for Merlin’s salary and personally thought Merlin was worth every penny.

Merlin turned and shook hands with Arthur. “I’ll see you on Monday, then.” He turned gave Gwen a quick peck on the cheek. “Meet you tonight at the pub? Drinks on me. Bring Lance. Hell, bring everyone, I’m once again gainfully employed.”

Arthur looked between Gwen and Merlin and found himself scowling again. “Why do I think I’m going to regret hiring you back, Merlin?”

****

Arthur walked out of his office, through the outer office where Gwen’s desk was located and into Merlin’s office on the other side.

“Merlin, do you have the figures for – what the hell?”

Arthur stopped short in the doorway to Merlin’s office as he took in the sight of Merlin embraced in Gavin’s arms. The two men pulled apart at Arthur’s entrance and Gavin turned to smile at Arthur and give him the once over.

“Hello, _the Arthur _."__

“Merlin! This is completely unprofessional. I don’t care what you do in the privacy of your own home, but this is an office, not a brothel. Kindly keep your amorous adventures off the premises.”

Arthur turned and stormed back to his own office.

“Nice to see you too, Arthur!” Gavin called after him while Merlin sputtered ineffectually.

Gavin left about five minutes later and Merlin stomped over to Arthur’s office.

“Everything alright, Merlin?” Gwen asked as he passed.

“I’m going to kill him.” Merlin replied and Gwen nodded in understanding.

“What the hell was that about?” Merlin demanded as soon as he stepped into Arthur’s office.

“I might ask you the same thing. You may be new to upper management, Merlin, but you’ve been with the company long enough to know proper office decorum.”

“Proper office…? We were not doing anything inappropriate! I was giving Gavin a hug.”

“Whatever. You don’t see me parade my girlfriends through the office, I’ll thank you to keep your boyfriends away too.”

“Boyfriend? He’s my cousin!”

Arthur gaped up at Merlin. “You’re shagging your cousin???”

“What?” Merlin’s voice did an undignified squeak. “What the hell makes you think we’re shagging?”

“You were both naked.”

“When were we both naked?” Merlin asked incredulously.

“When I was at your flat. Four in the afternoon, Merlin and you were both poncing around wearing nothing but your pajama bottoms. It was disgraceful.”

“First of all, you had no right to _be _at my flat, secondly, we were not ‘poncing’,” Merlin made air quotes with his fingers. “I do _not _ponce! I have never ponced in my life! And thirdly, the reason we were in our pajamas was…..no, wait. You know what? That is my personal, private life and you do not get to tell me what I can and cannot do in my personal and private life.”____

Arthur snorted in disapproval. “I don’t care what you do in your ‘personal and private life’,” It was Arthur’s turn to make air quotes. “Just don’t parade your proclivities at the office.”

“Proclivities?? Where is your head even at, Arthur?? Honest to god, you are the most infuriating, pompous, supercilious, arrogant prat – “

In the outer office, Gwen listened with a grin as Merlin ranted at Arthur and the two of them argued. The balance of nature had been restored and all was right with the world. Gwen picked up another document to type into the computer as the argument wafted out of Arthur’s office.

“And another thing, what the hell makes you think I’m gay?”


End file.
